Of Me Then
This trip reminds me of you. No; it reminds me of thinking about you. It reminds me of anticipating seeing you again. It has me reveling at memories that now fail to bring a smile to my face. It reminds me of how predictable I am; rather how predictable I had become with you. It reminds me of you waiting for me. It reminds me of you feigning annoyance each time I kept you waiting. It has me thinking about your tall form and blue shirt. It has me recalling your face, your fake smile, and your spontaneous laugh at my sometimes innocent humor.
It reminds me of you insisting to carry my luggage and your mock sternness when I tried to help. This trip reminds me of sunsets and twilight. It reminds me of unsightly noisy hills and the quiet light of my abode. It reminds me of who I was then; when I was with you. It pains and excites me how much I have changed since then. It reminds me of how much time can change and how much some things remain the same over years. It calls on me to reflect on who I was before you and imagine how else I might change in the face of time and others like you.
This trip reminds me of how trusting I can be. How naïve I can choose to act in the face of infatuation. It reminds me of how much meaning something fleeting can give a person and how much we are sometimes willing to give up or embrace for another person. It makes me think of hope, and love, and loss, and heartache, and regret, and everything in between. It reminds me of silence in the face of a crisis. It reminds me of rawness and belief and vulnerability. It reminds me of innocence and blind faith that things and people could be different. It reminds me of my willingness to work on myself once upon a time and failing severally at it.
It reminds me of geek glasses, weird shoes and simple braids. It takes me back to a time when I cared for you; when I would have given anything for us; when I believed in you and was willing to work on us. When you were my muse and my favorite subject. It reminds me of the power we give others to do whatever they want with our hearts, and how that usually doesn’t pay off. It reminds me that I cannot hold on to something that is not mine and that letting go is almost always the answer. This trip has me smiling at how much I have learnt and how much happier I am with who I turned up to be.