Of a Bitter-Sweet Idylic Town

I am at Betty’s Place in uptown Nyeri town enjoying a cup of coffee. My seat is directly in front of this tiny aquarium and I am pretending to write something…. My arms are bare, thanks to this blue floral v-neck chiffon top that I have on. It is sunny today, but the morning wind sends a chill down my spine. I won’t move seats though, because this is my favorite spot.
Coming back to this town is always a little daunting for me. This simple town means so much to me in more than one way. There is so much that changes, but some things remain the same, including my favorite hairdresser, still working in a barely lit corridor off Gakere road. I am sure to see at least one person I recognize along the streets and several at Naivas Supermarket. This town is like a familiar but sometimes unwelcome song that rings in my head when slightly prompted. It has a bitter-sweet melancholy taste to it; one that I could never ignore if I tried. It does not matter how long I stay without coming back here…
It is in this place that I learned so much, made so many memories, made so many mistakes, and lost things I might never recover. It is in this town that I tried, failed, tried again, made it, and finally left in such a weird way. This place forces me to remember things I would rather forget and face parts of myself that are better hidden and ignored. It is like being handed two identical beautifully wrapped packages, one with my favorite ice cream and one with a can of worms, and I am never sure which one I will open on the first try. It is like a plate of tempting pies, some of them with bitter centers you will discover only after you take a bite. It is like the two bottles of sauces you are handed at a downtown restaurant and you are not sure which one is the chili and you will shed tears as you eat if you are not careful.
This place is sometimes tempting and I might give in.
But I am really looking forward to a time when I will come to this idyllic town, enjoy a cup of coffee one evening in silence, savor the dignified quiet of empty streets, and feel absolutely nothing… When the song that comes to mind at that time is not tormenting. When I will be happy to laugh in the streets that saw my downcast face so many times no matter how much I tried to hold it up; a day I will dare to smile innocently, feel at peace with everything this town represents, and sing songs that make my heart light.
But until that day… I will keep sipping at this drink, gather my feelings, and lay them down at the only place I can find solace….

This is slightly edited. It was originally published on my Facebook and Instagram many moons ago… And yes, I did give in and it has been more than a year of living in this idyllic town. It is still bitter-sweet but my heart handles it well on most days.